February in Maui is a nice time and place to be. For one, the whales are kicking offshore. They’re everywhere. When I look out towards the ocean I don’t see ocean anymore. All I see is an immense playground, where whales are jumping, splashing, slapping their tales, and having a blast. You don’t even have to try and see them now. Just glance out towards the beach and you’ll spot them. It’s amazing, and I’m really glad to have the privilege of witnessing it every day.

On Sunday my family and I went to Maluaka Beach Park with a pizza and watched the whales playing offshore. At first I was freaking out because we saw nothing. But as the sun sank closer to the horizon, they came out for one last round of the day. I can’t tell you how many whales we saw. But we were still waiting for one of them to launch straight up into the air and come down with a powerful splash. Suddenly it happened, and my wife and I shook our heads in amazement. My daughter wasn’t so blown away. She was preoccupied with the pizza crust she was polishing off.

Another point of excitement is, surprisingly, the presidential election. Suddenly Hawaii has an important say in who the Democratic nominee will be, now that the race Between Obama and Clinton is so close. Normally candidates aren’t too worried about Hawaii’s delegates. But not this year, when every delegate counts. Here’s a hint to the native Hawaiian population - this would be a great time to make sure that both Democratic nominees commit to passing the Akaka bill if elected.

Want some more big news? OK… I got a bike. How’s that? It’s practically brand new, and I got it for a steal off of craigslist. This guy was selling it after shipping it over here (along with everything else he owned) from San Diego. Poor sucker. He didn’t know the golden rule of moving to an island… DON’T BRING ANYTHING! Well, a car is OK, but nothing else! So he ended up selling most of his stuff because he didn’t have any room for all of it. And that resulted in me taking advantage of another person’s relocation ignorance and getting his bike for practically nothin’. And the best part? I actually use it!

Well, that just about sums it up for now. A hui ho, baby.

A reader of this blog recently asked me if I had any insight about moving to Hawai‘i. Her inquiry got me thinking… I’ve been showing a pretty rosy side of island living on this website. I’ve talked about deserted beaches, tropical forests, angelic DMV employees, and my beautiful commute to work. Now that I think of it, though, I haven’t talked about the more gloomy side of living on Maui. But that ends right now, as I explore the dark side of paradise.

There isn’t any… just kidding.

Life here is definitely a compromise. At the end of the day you have to love living here so much, you’re willing to give up a lot of things you were used to on the mainland. And I’m not talking about the lack of fresh strawberries. I’m talking about saying goodbye to some of the comfort features of mainland life. I’m talking about living in a small apartment instead of a house. I’m talking about cutting back on eating out… or not eating out at all. I’m talking about having to get a second job to help pay the bills. I’m talking about not being able to afford a plane ride to see family. This is the unfortunate “luxury tax” that is placed on you as a resident… a price you must pay for living in an exceptional place. And to be happy here, you must be willing to pay that price. With the exception of those who are WOA (wealthy on arrival), this is a universal truth. People who live here work their arse off. No doubt. But strangely enough, I’ve never heard a resident complain about any of it either.

Since when did a dvd rental at Blockbuster cost five bucks plus tax? I asked myself this as I stared at another tempting marketing letter from rival Netflix… the second correspondence in as many weeks. It promised $4.99/month dvd rentals with a 2-movie per month maximum. This letter had perfect timing - I had just payed $5 for one movie at Blockbuster; plus the intangible cost of hearing the Blockbuster clerks moaning about their lives while completely ignoring my existence. I was sold.

Now, I don’t want anybody to think that I’m endorsing any business or product (please ignore the Google ads on your right). I’m just saying that logically, Netflix is a better deal. We could all agree on that, right?

I’d been a Netflix fan before. We were subscribers before leaving for Hawai‘i. I even went so far as to buy some Netflix stock. It tanked. Not because of any fault by the company. It was just really bad market timing on my part. And I haven’t gotten any better on my stock picks since then either.

Anyways, we had canceled our subscription prior to our move, for two reasons: first, we were trying to cut all luxury spending in preparation of the big leap to Maui… even if it amounted to $10/month of home-movie entertainment. Secondly, we were moving to an island, and I figured that there was no way Netflix mailed movies to Hawai‘i. My prediction couldn’t have been any more wrong. Turns out I see those flat red Netflix envelopes all over the damn place. All 12 employees where I work bring them in to send back to the Netflix Regional Shipping Center… on Oahu! So many people here in Hawai‘i use Netflix, one guy asked, “Is Blockbuster still in business? I honestly don’t know.”

So I went online and responded to the mailer, punching in my “promotional code”. Then I chose my subcsription level: unlimited movies, 2 at a time, $13.99/month. Boom, up popped my old account information. Name, address, credit card info, everything. I quickly updated my address and readied myself for once again joining the ranks of Netflixers. I clicked “rejoin”.

All of a sudden, a list of movies appeared in front of me. Was it..? Could it be..? My old queue? I didn’t recognize the titles. I began to get worried that Netflix accidentally reinstated my membership with somebody else’s queue. My heart stepped back a beat, until I recognized a permanent title of my Netflix queue… “Glengarry Glen Ross”… the staple movie that was constantly bumped from the top of the queue, but was never removed from it completely. Yes, it was my old queue after all. And in honor of my renewed existence as a logical, dollar-minded Netflix subscriber, I moved “Glengarry Glen Ross” to the very top of my queue, where it will surely be bumped in favor of something newer, but never as good.

Christmas is a tricky time of year. With all of the obligatory gift-giving, most people are bound to get something they don’t want. And how do you handle it? What do you do with the gift you know you’ll never want or use? Personally, I’m no stranger to unwanted gifts. One year I got a ball of melted wax from a relative. I opened up the package, and there it was. A multi-colored mound of wax, with a mysterious odor, plaid ribbon sticking out in all directions, and no wick to be found. One year I got a paper bag of black coal from my mother… her idea of a Christmas gag. Over the years I’ve gotten 7 Mr. Potato Heads in celebration of my Irish heritage. But never have I opened up a gift to find a nest of feverish ants making a home in my present… until now. Read the rest of this entry »

I took my daughter to the mall the other day so she could demand Christmas gifts from Santa Claus. And you’ll never guess what I saw at Santa’s Workshop… a poster describing the different “clothing options” available for Santa. You could have your picture taken with “Traditional Santa”, “White Vest Santa”, or my favorite… “Aloha Santa” wearing a Hawaiian shirt and flashing a shaka! Read the rest of this entry »

Wintertime is an amazing time on the islands, but particularly here on Maui. The winter months bring cooler weather and much-needed rains. But this time of year also brings a special tourist to Maui… the humpback whale. And that means it’s time to witness the incredible sight of humpback whales and their newborns splashing in the warm azure waters of the Pacific. Read the rest of this entry »

I learned something very important today… when I surf, I throw up. It happened the first time I tried riding the waves, and it happened again today. Read the rest of this entry »

Have you ever wished that there was a secret club that you belonged to that entitled you to perks and benefits that nobody else received? Well, here in Hawai‘i there is such a club. It’s called kama‘aina, and to belong all it takes is a Hawai‘i state driver’s licence, and the moxy to flash it anytime you want a discount. Read the rest of this entry »

At last count, there were 26 letters in the English language. With e-mail, texting, and the rest of the techno-jargon, Webster’s may have added or subtracted a few since the last time I looked. I don’t know. I think “☺” officially became a letter at the end of ‘05. But anyhow, I learned 26 letters as a boy. I got familiar with 26 letters as a student. And I abused 26 letters all throughout college and my young adulthood. Now that I’ve finally come to accept the 26 letters given to me, I find myself in Hawai‘i, where 14 of my 26 letters are yanked away. That leaves me only 12 letters to work with. It’s a brave new world in the land of alphabet soup.

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Several months ago, as I sat in my Hollywood office imagining a life in Hawai‘i, surfing always played a pretty large role in my daydreams. It’s something I have always wanted to try, but it remained on a long list of activities that I’ve never gotten around to actually doing. That is, until today, when a guy from work asked if I wanted to go. My only excuse, besides being scared as hell of sharks, was that I didn’t have any swim trunks with me. He said he had an extra pair.

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So with that, I agreed. And after work we headed to Launiupoko Park, just outside of Lahaina, where my first surfing experience ended with me throwing up all over the beach! Read the rest of this entry »